


Running Faster Than He Can Catch

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Atalanta - Freeform, Bets & Wagers, F/M, Greek Mythology - Freeform, M/M, Psychological Warfare, Romance, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 11:20:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4477367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post CA:TWS, Bucky is taking down HYDRA facilities, and Steve tries to convince Bucky to come home with him. </p>
<p>Bucky refuses and tells Steve to leave him alone, so Steve proposes a contest: if Bucky can take custody of more HYDRA agents, Steve will stop chasing him, but if Steve gets more HYDRA agents, Bucky has to come home and stay with Steve.  </p>
<p>(Loosely based on the Greek myth of Atalanta).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Running Faster Than He Can Catch

**Author's Note:**

> For the WIP big bang
> 
> AWESOME ART by minutia_r found here:   
> Pencil: http://minutia-r.deviantart.com/art/Captain-001-549291903   
> Colored: http://minutia-r.deviantart.com/art/Colored-Captain-549292838
> 
>  
> 
> \---------------------------------------------
> 
>  
> 
> Content notes/trigger warnings:  
> Brief mention of the desire to self-harm/suicidal desires. Also memories of a first kiss that happens at age 15. Very brief mentions of human trafficking and child abuse, referred to just as activities that bad guys are engaged in.

“Past the walls. Cameras disabled. Breaching the outer security perimeter of the HYDRA base….”

The sound of tussling, of bodies falling unconscious to the floor. A shield bouncing off concrete and returning, presumably, to its owner.

“Almost at the entry point,” Steve continued to narrate over the coms. “We’ll need to--”

A blast, shockingly loud, even over the coms. 

“Rogers! Rogers, report!” Thirteen yelled into the communications panel.

“The whole base is blown to hell,” Steve said, out of breath.

“Are you hurt?”

“I’ll be okay,” Steve said. “The rest of the team was farther back, they seem uninjured. But it looks like… no HYDRA survivors to question for intel.”

“Do you think they saw you and decided to self-destruct rather than be taken?”

“I think they’re more the fight until the end and do as much damage as possible kind,” he said. “Let me --”

Steve trailed off then and it sounded like motion. 

“Steve?” Thirteen said, concerned.

“It’s him,” Steve gasped. He sounded like he was running as fast as he could.

“What?... Steve? _Steve!?!_ ”

The communications tech said, “It appears that Captain Rogers’ comm device has been removed from his ear.”

Thirteen sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Get me speaking to someone else on his team then.”

A few seconds later, they heard the static of an open line.

“Wilson?” Thirteen asked.

“Wilson’s helping Rogers,” Agent Triplett answered.

“Helping him do what?”

“It was him. The Winter Soldier. He took off faster than we could follow, but then Steve ran after him anyway.”

Sharon took a second. “So your first and second in command decided to chase a brainwashed killer with superpowers whose relationship with HYDRA may or may not be in flux?”

“Yep.”

“…Were they trying to bring him into custody?”

“We… didn’t really get the chance to discuss that. Cap took off, then Sam flew after to provide visual intel from the air, I assume.”

“Great.”

Triplett asked, “So why am I starting to get the impression that I’m not being told something important?”

“Sorry, Triplett. Need to know,” she said regretfully. Thirteen herself wasn’t even cleared to know why Steve was chasing the Soldier, but Romanov had decided that she might need the information, and so she told Carter off book. “Keep an eye on Steve in case he needs backup.”

“He’s long gone, but we’ll get a visual on Wilson and assume he’s close,” Triplett said.

“Good. Report back when you have anything.”

Thirteen sat down in her chair and leaned back. She was not looking forward to the debrief. 

\--

“Is Fury upset?” Steve asked as Natasha came back from her meeting. Getting called to the table was bad; everyone else having a meeting about your actions that you’re not even invited to was worse. Steve and Sam had been waiting for news for an hour.

“Fury’s not an idiot,” Natasha said. “He knows you only re-joined so you could use our resources to track down leads on the Soldier.”

Steve frowned. “Believe me, I care plenty about taking HYDRA down too.”

“He knows. That’s why he let you back, I figure. Unless he secretly just really likes how you look in the costume.”

“Thanks for that,” Steve said sarcastically.

“How close were you able to get to the Soldier?” she asked then.

Steve looked at his hands.

“Not close,” Sam said. 

“Do you think he still works for HYDRA?” she asked. “They could be tying up loose ends, preventing SHIELD from gaining intel by killing anyone who might get captured by us.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so,” Steve said.

Natasha stared. “Just because he pulled you out of the water, we can’t assume that anything’s changed.”

Steve pointedly didn’t say anything.

“He might want to take down the people who put him through all that,” Sam said. “Couldn’t blame the guy.”

“And what happens when he’s done with HYDRA facilities? Does he come after us?” she said.

“We shouldn’t assume he’s still a threat to us,” Steve said, “All he’s done since D.C. is take down HYDRA facilities. Every reported sighting says so.”

“Yeah, it’s not like he’s good at hiding and could possibly be doing things without our knowledge,” she said. 

“What’s the point of this discussion exactly?” Sam asked. If they were getting kicked out, he wanted to know it.

“I wanted to see if Steve was going to be objective. I figured he wouldn’t be,” she said. 

“But-” Steve objected.

“It’s okay,” she said. “We’ll be working together to find the Soldier. Fury thinks he’s either a major threat or a major source of intel on HYDRA, and he wants him brought in. I just wanted to see how emotional you were going to be about it.”

“Seriously?” Steve said.

“I can’t protect you if I don’t know what I’m up against,” she said.

Steve paused, looking at her closely. “Our orders are to bring him in alive?”

“Yes.”

“Did you have anything to do with those being our orders?” Sam asked her.

She shrugged. 

“That must have been hard for you,” Steve said gently, knowing how much safer Natasha would feel if the man who once bested her (possibly the only one) were in the ground. 

She just rolled her eyes. “Yeah, it was real tough compared to dealing with your moping.”

“I don’t mope,” Steve said definitively.

They looked over at Sam, who said, “I am not part of this conversation.”

\--

“What I want to know is, why is _one man_ outperforming the entirety of SHIELD?” Fury said, frustration creasing his brow.

“He has intel we don’t,” Steve answered.

 “And he’s willing to do things we won’t,” Natasha added. “Things that some of us won’t, at any rate.” She gave Steve a pointed look.

“Yeah, I’ve read the reports,” Fury said. The Winter Soldier’s methods for dealing with resistance were not exactly merciful. 

“But the few survivors we’ve found--” Sam said.

“And those are very few indeed,” Fury said pointedly.

“They’ve confirmed that the Winter Solider – Bucky -- is not cleaning up for HYDRA. He’s out to destroy them,” Sam said.  

“Mission of vengeance, huh?” Fury said.

“Or he could be trying to make up for what he did when he was being brainwashed by them,” Steve said.

“I’d prefer vengeance myself,” Fury muttered, “Vengeful crazy I know how to deal with – some of our best operatives started out as vengeful crazy. Atoning crazy is a whole nother deal. But it doesn’t matter. Destroying HYDRA is fine and good, but we also need some intel from them to make sure we don’t miss something big. If they had a senator, who knows who else they had? Get this Barnes into custody, or at least start beating him to some of these HYDRA facilities. It’s a damn embarrassment, a record like this against one man….” 

Fury strode out of the meeting then, leaving them to strategize.

“Any ideas?” Steve asked them. 

“Sharon and I had an idea,” Natasha said. “She got Stark to give us the program he uses to analyze data and predict behavior – the version that’s not ever going on the market.”  

“Knowing what I do about Stark’s tech skills, that sounds like a dystopia waiting to happen,” Sam noted.

“Thus the not going on the market. We should run what we have on the Soldier’s past missions and what we know of who he’s gone after so far. Maybe he’s focusing on taking out bases that once held him. Or where they gave him his kill orders. He would know those locations best, and he would have the most reason to take them out,” Natasha said.

Steve paused, trying to discern something about her. “You ever fantasize about taking out… you know? Certain people from your past.” He didn’t often ask about this.

“Are you sure you want me to answer that?” she said, gaze cold.

“I guess not…. The analysis, it’s a good idea,” Steve said. “Let’s go with it.”

\--

Stark’s algorithm was only as good as the intel fed into it, it turned out. They had a couple false leads until Natasha personally re-interviewed every HYDRA agent in custody. Soon they had a fairly accurate record of not only Barnes’ past jobs for the past couple of decades (only Pierce would have known what came before that) but also a lot of other valuable insight into HYDRA workings that they were able to hand off to Coulson’s team. 

It was a couple of months before they –finally – managed to beat the Winter Soldier to the punch at a HYDRA facility.

They had already taken half the grounds when they heard an explosion on the roof.

“I’m going up, you secure the rest of the building,” Steve ordered the SHIELD team.

Natasha split the agents into two groups to cover more ground, and she and Sam took the main corridor.  

“Has Steve ever _not_ run directly into an explosion?” Sam muttered.

“Not that I can recall,” Natasha said, and they gave each other a quick smile.

Steve, meanwhile, was running up the long flight of stairs when he saw a HYDRA agent thrown from the top of the stairs fall past him before he could help.

Steve looked up. The Winter Soldier was looking down at him.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said to Steve.

“Bucky. My name is Steve. We were friends,” Steve said, trying not to sound desperate.

“HYDRA is mine. Stay the hell away or you’re just going to end up dead,” Bucky said, then turned around to shoot several agents attacking him.

Steve grasped for anything he could say before Bucky disappeared again. He leaped up flights of stairs until he was only one floor below Bucky. He wanted to talk but he didn’t want to scare Bucky off.

Finally, Steve said, “You should let us take them down. We’re better at this than you are.”

That got the Soldier’s attention. “My kill record says you’re not,” he said, an eybrow raised, so cocky, so familiar it twisted Steve’s gut.

“We can interrogate them. Get info on the sites you never had access to. And we have resources.”  

“When I was on the opposite side of you, your ‘resources’ weren’t much of a match for me,” he said to Steve. “And you’re crazy if you think I’m going to let you stop me.”

Steve set his jaw. “This facility is ours. We got here first.”  

The soldier stared down at him. “You came here because you knew _I’d_ be here. Didn’t you.” He narrowed his eyes.

Steve swallowed. “If you would just talk to me. Just for a minute.”

The Soldier gave him a cold glare, then said, calmly, “You want the facility, fine. I’ll beat you to the next one. I’ll beat you to all the rest, too. But don’t get in my way again.”  

“It kind of sounds like we’re on the same side,” Steve said, willing Bucky to remember him, or at least feel some inkling of trust for him.

“Stop following me,” the Soldier said, “You’re just going to get killed.”

He disappeared then, and when Steve reached the top of the stairs, he couldn’t see Bucky anywhere.

Dejected, he went to look for his team. He was surprised that they were already loading up all the HYDRA agents into the vans.

“Once they heard the Winter Soldier was here too, they pretty much all surrendered in exchange for our protection,” Sam said, more than a bit amused.

 “It speaks to the viciousness of the Soldier’s methods, that even agents hardened to torture would give up before facing the kind of death the Soldier doles out,” Natasha said, watching Steve carefully.

“Well, we’ve had a grudge against HYDRA since before any of you were born,” Steve said, deflecting.

“Yeah, we know you’re old, Steve,” Sam said, deftly changing the subject. “Now let’s get these jerks to Fury so he stops thinking we’re total incompetents.”  Steve nodded and pretended to focus on organizing the agents, even as he kept thinking about Bucky’s face, grim and icy, tightly controlled anger showing through. 

Back at base, he told Natasha and Sam about his conversation with Bucky.

“What do you think it means?” Steve said.

She answered, “I think it means that the Solider doesn’t want to be tracked.”  

“And he doesn’t want to be saved either,” Sam pointed out softly.

“Maybe,” Steve said, stubbornness tensing up his jaw.

Sam and Natasha just looked at each other. They knew this was going to be a long fight.

\--

They were on a rooftop, just the three of them, Steve, Natasha, and Sam, surrounded by dozens of HYDRA agents with weapons pointed at them, two long lines of them, one line to the north and one to the south. 

“So,” Sam said, “Trap.”

Steve grimaced. They had just taken down another base a few miles away. The captured HYDRA agents had “confessed” that a higher up was fleeing to an abandoned building nearby. Apparently, as word had gotten out that Steve and SHIELD were taking down facilities, HYDRA had developed a protocol for what to do if Captain America showed up. 

“Next time, I handle all the questioning,” Natasha said, clearly already planning what she was going to do to the Level 4 agent who had handled the initial interviews. They hadn’t had time to confirm the findings unless they wanted to miss their chance, and they decided going forward was worth the risk. Now, it seemed like that was about to turn into a very bad choice.

“Make a move, or show those wings, and we’ll shoot all of you,” the HYDRA team leader said, sneering at them from the south line.

“You’ll shoot all of us anyway,” Natasha answered. Steve was impressed at how bored she managed to sound.

“You can’t beat all of us,” the leader said. “We are relentless. We are fully committed. This is why HYDRA will always be victorious. This is why HYDRA--”

He was interrupted by a long, directed burst of flame that shot right across the north line. The man looked panicked, but before he could act, another tunnel of fire went through the south line, engulfing them in flames.

They looked around and saw that two massive flamethrowers had appeared on each side of both lines. Standing on the ledge of the building, holding a controller device, was the Winter Soldier, surveying the roof full of dead or dying HYDRA agents.

The Soldier leapt down and started walking toward them. Sam and Natasha put their hands on their weapons but didn’t draw them. 

He stopped right in front of Steve, a couple feet away, and Sam and Natasha tensed their arms, ready to draw in a fraction of a second.

“Bucky,” Steve said. “You saved us. I know you must remember some--”

Bucky pushed Steve with the metal arm, catching him off guard, sending him flying over the side of the building.

Natasha and Sam drew and pointed their guns at the Soldier. He looked at them calmly and didn’t move.

“We both know Steve is too damn stubborn to listen to reason. So it’s your job to keep him the hell away from me and from HYDRA. For his own safety,” the Solider said.

He walked to the opposite wall. He said, “And don’t get between me and my enemy again. It won’t go well for you,” and then jumped over, using his fingers to slide down the side of the building, the sound of metal rough on concrete.

Natasha and Sam ran to the other side, where Steve had fallen, and to their relief they saw that Steve had already gotten up and was climbing back up the side of the building.

“He’s gone,” Sam yelled down to him.

 “Are you guys all right?” Steve yelled, sounding worried.

“Fine,” Natasha answered. “We’re heading down. We’ll talk at base.”

Steve nodded, then jumped down to wait for them.

\--

At base, Fury had some choice words for them for falling for such an obvious trap. He also set new policy on how to handle immediate-action intel in the field in the future, given HYDRA’s new protocol. Then he called them idiots one more time and left. 

As they walked out, Steve said to Sam and Natasha, “I know what you must think about Bucky. And I’m so sorry I put you in the position of having to face him without me. That’s never what I intended, to put you in danger. But he would have known that throwing me off the building wouldn’t be lethal, and he could have killed me if --”

“That’s what we needed to talk to you about,” Sam said.

Steve looked at them questioningly. 

 “We think he remembers being your friend,” Natasha said.

Steve blinked, then let out a breath. He grinned and his eyes began to water.

“What did he say?” Steve asked.

Sam and Natasha looked at each other. “He said that you’re incredibly stubborn,” she answered, eyebrow raised.

“He seemed pretty annoyed by it,” Sam added, nodding, not quite hiding a smile.

Steve smiled wryly. “Fair enough. He… he really said that?”  

“Yeah. And he warned us that we needed to keep you away from him,” Sam said, more somber.

“He’s just confused still,” Steve said.

“Considering we fell for a trap and he didn’t, we might be the ones who are confused,” Natasha said.

“If anyone deserves to be saved…” Steve said, shaking his head, “I mean, if you knew him, before, you would understand.” 

“He doesn’t want to be saved,” Natasha said, “Particularly not by you, it seems.”

“Though it seems like he still cares about saving you,” Sam added.

Steve nodded, grateful. “Well, Fury still wants us to track the Winter Soldier down. So we keep doing what we’re doing, and we don’t fall for HYDRA tricks again.”  

“They fooled all of SHIELD for decades. They’re pretty good at tricks. We should probably keep our heads clear. Not all muddled with emotions,” Natasha pointed out.

“I heard you the first hundred times,” Steve said.

“We’re both concerned about you Steve,” Sam said. 

Steve sighed. “I know. And I don’t tell you enough how much I appreciate everything you’re doing for me. And for Bucky.”

“On that note,” Natasha said wearily, “I need to see Tony.”  

“Why?”

“To reprogram the algorithm. We’ve only hit the facilities the Soldier planned to a couple of times. But now that we know he at least partially remembers his old self, we’ll need to change a lot of the assumptions behind the calculations.”

“Great. Thank you,” Steve said.

She just sighed. “Let’s hope this isn’t a bad idea.”

\--

It’s a week after Steve finally moves off of Sam’s couch and gets a nice one-bedroom apartment when he wakes up to the sound of a full scale assault.

He keeps his shield right by his bed, and soon there are twelve HYDRA agents tied up on his bedroom floor and bullet holes all over his apartment. 

He’s starting to think this is going to happen every time he gets his own place.

SHIELD helps with picking up the HYDRA agents. Agent Blake tells him that he will definitely not get his deposit back. Steve doesn’t appreciate the humor.

Natasha flies in from who knows where to question them. Shortly after, Steve gets a memo.

__  
To: Director Fury  
From: Black Widow  
Cc: Agent Coulson, Agent Hill, Captain Rogers, Agent Wilson  
Re: Assassination attempt on Captain Rogers 

_While the Winter Soldier has destroyed numerous HYDRA facilities, it appears that HYDRA is more concerned about the Soldier revealing HYDRA secrets, which will allow SHIELD and other agencies to pursue HYDRA far more efficiently, than they are about the Soldier’s attacks. They do not believe that the Winter Soldier working alone has the ability to entirely eliminate their organization, since HYDRA is highly compartmentalized, and the Soldier does not have full knowledge of their entire structure and is unlikely to gain this knowledge since he always kills HYDRA agents and never stops to question them._

_Their analysts have concluded that the Soldier is extremely unlikely to work with anyone, and so their secrets are likely safe. Given that they have repeatedly tried and failed to capture and kill the Soldier, they do not think it is a wise strategy to put their resources into finding him; instead, they have orders to shoot to kill if he arrives at one of their facilities._

_These analysts have also, however, warned HYDRA that if the Soldier were to remember his identity as Bucky Barnes, he might ally himself with Steve Rogers and provide intel to SHIELD which might, in addition to providing us with the knowledge to eliminate them, also give us clues about powerful public figures who are secretly part of HYDRA still. Apparently, the formerly esteemed senator was just the tip of the iceberg. They also conclude that since his “malfunction” was first triggered by an encounter with Rogers, the Soldier’s secrets are safe only as long as Rogers does not capture him and spur the recollection of memories._

_Steve Rogers is thus deemed as the number one threat to those powerful figures who are protecting HYDRA. This impression is likely to be bolstered by their desire for retaliation after Rogers’ role in their defeat in DC, as well as his long history of targeting HYDRA in the past (was it the Middle Ages? Ancient Rome? I forget when it was – the point is, Steve’s old.)_

_Recommendations: Per SHIELD protocol, Captain Rogers should be placed in protective custody. When he inevitably refuses to stay in protective custody, i.e., several minutes later, Agent Wilson and I will join him in his continued efforts to target HYDRA’s leadership, with added precautions to prevent Rogers’ location from being tracked._

__

Natasha and Sam showed up soon after.

“Sorry about your new place,” Sam said. “I guess it’s good I hadn’t gotten around to buying you a houseplant yet,” he joked.

Steve smiled wanly. “Yeah, funny thing, I probably wouldn’t be able to keep a houseplant alive.” 

“This is good news about Bucky, though,” Sam said. “It looks like he really was trying to protect you when he said to stay away. Guess he knows how HYDRA thinks. He wants to keep you safe, Steve.”

Steve looked down. “Yeah, that’s the problem. If he thinks he’s saving my life by staying away from me…. I mean, I spent my whole life in Brooklyn trying to convince him that I don’t need his protection. And that was about the only argument I couldn’t ever win with him.”

Natasha tilted her head. “If Bucky is even partly himself, then that means you know him better than anyone,” she said to Steve.

“Yeah, I guess.”  

“So,” she said, “If his weakness is that he wants to protect you, then you better find a way to exploit that weakness. Because it sounds like that’s the only way you’re going to bring him back alive.”

Steve frowned and was quiet. Finally, he nodded. “I’ll think of something.”

 

\--

Natasha and Tony’s work on the algorithm paid off. They had a couple misses, getting to HYDRA bases and safehouses just a few hours after the Winter Soldier had cut through the place. But after a couple of weeks, Steve found himself face to face with the Winter Soldier, in a wooded area just a few hundred feet away from a stealth base. 

“Stay out of my way,” the Soldier said.

“You can push me off as many buildings as you want, I’m not going away. I know you remember me.” Steve’s nostril flared as the two men circled each other, waiting to see if this would become a fight.

“I’m not that same guy. I’m not your friend.”

“None of us are the same. I’m not the same as I used to be either,” Steve said.

“Yeah. Totally comparable.” 

“Just come home with me, Buck. We’ll figure it out.”  

The Soldier let out a breath, a grim smile, laughing, it seemed, at Steve’s naivety. “That’s not happening.”

“I’ll keep chasing you. You say you want to protect me. If you come with me, they won’t need to kill me any more – it’ll be done. We could take down HYDRA together. Like old times.”  

The Soldier neared him, stopping inches away. His eyes blazed, something like rage in them, something like pain. “Old times are over, Steve. The sooner you understand that, the better.”

“I’m not asking to get the past back.” 

 “Of course you are.” Bucky backed up, but his eyes were still full of challenge.

“I’ll keep looking if you don’t come with me,” Steve said, nervously. He remembered Natasha’s advice, to use his knowledge of Bucky against him. If Bucky wanted to protect him, Steve would use that.

Bucky narrowed his eyes. He seemed to know exactly what Steve was doing. “Stay out of my way. Or next time I see you I shoot your friends in the legs.”

Steve swallowed. He wasn’t expecting Bucky to say something like that. (He should have, he knew, and realizing his own failure only made it worse).

Bucky turned to leave, but Steve said, “Wait!”

“What?”  

“Instead of that, how about a wager?” Steve said. When Bucky was a teenager, he would bet on almost anything Steve asked him to. He didn’t gamble with anyone else, but he’d always compete with Steve if he asked.

“We’re not children,” Bucky said. Which meant that he remembered their teenage bets too, Steve noted.

“You want me to stay away. I want you to come home. And we both want HYDRA wiped out.”  

“Yeah.” Bucky was tense, ready to run.

“A contest. We see who can take more HYDRA agents alive.”  

“Taking them alive isn’t really my style.”

“But it’s good for gathering intel. You know I’m right. And that makes it a fair contest. We’ll do it for one month. See who gets more. Unless you think you can’t beat us?”  

Bucky paused. “I win, you leave me alone.”  

Steve nodded, hoping like hell this wasn’t a terrible idea. “And if I win, you come home with me.”  

“As your prisoner.”  

“No. As my friend. Or… as my guest. Or my ally. Anything you want, as long as you come with me.”

Bucky stared at him for a moment. “You sure you can keep your end of the bargain?”

“Wouldn’t go back on a bet. Know you wouldn’t either.”

Bucky paused. Then: “Fine.”

“Handshake?” Steve put out his hand.

Bucky warily reached out, shook his hand, then left.

Steve watched him go, not sure if the tightness in his chest was dread or hope.

\--

When Steve and the team get to the next HYDRA facility, they see Bucky walking out. He shrugs and Steve, and then, honest to goodness, smirks.

“This doesn’t mean a thing,” Steve says. The other SHIELD agents have their gun on Bucky, but their orders are not to shoot unless provoked.

Bucky ignores all of them and leaves, and by now, all of them know that giving chase won’t lead to anything. They walk into the facility and seen several dozen HYDRA agents, tied up and unconscious. 

Natasha looks at Steve. “So, one day in, and he’s already ahead.”  

Steve grimaces. “We’ll beat him next time.”

\--

They don’t beat him next time. Over the next two weeks, Steve and his team get to two facilities first and Bucky gets to eight. Bucky beats them to the punch again and again and again.

Fury is, well, furious – especially since, through a bureaucratic twist, most of the Winter Soldier’s captures are going to General Talbot instead of SHIELD.

Natasha is pessimistic. 

Sam is worried. 

Tony is frantically reprogramming his algorithm every night.

Thirteen, who’s been brought into the project, has heard that the Soldier is now interrogating his victims, which means that he likely has even better intel than he used to.

Steve is just plain panicking, though he does his best not to show it.

Then, two weeks in, Tony discovers an entirely new class of mathematical objects, which somehow allows him to predict the Soldier’s next hit almost 50% of the time, but only within a time frame of 5 hours. If they can’t outdo the Soldier’s numbers, they can beat him to his planned targets and take the HYDRA agents he would have.

The next day, Bucky hits a base in south Wales. Steve and his team gets there at almost the same time, but Bucky, fearless and with insider knowledge, takes down two thirds of the HYDRA agents, then runs before SHIELD can even attempt to stop him. But Steve sees Bucky climbing out and decides to follow him as he escapes into the hills.

Soon, Bucky turned around. “Stop following me. That wasn’t part of the deal.”

“I wanted to make sure the deal was still on.”  

“You’re losing the bet, Steve.” 

Steve paused. “Remember when we went to Coney Island when we were 15? When you lost that bet on purpose?”

He could see Bucky’s face falter. He definitely remembered. 

“You figured that out, huh?” Bucky said. Steve had bet that he could score higher on the bottle-toss. The stakes were that the loser would have to kiss the winner.

It was their first kiss. 

“Yeah.” Steve stepped closer. Bucky didn’t run.

“I’m not losing _this_ bet, Steve. Talk about Coney Island all you want, nothing’s changing that.”  

“I’ll be safer if you’re with me,” Steve said. He stepped closer. “So if you’re staying away to protect me….”

Bucky swallowed. “You know that’s not the only reason.” 

Steve leaned in to kiss Bucky but stopped an inch away from his lips. He waited for several long seconds before slowly closing the gap. 

Bucky was passive for a second, then pressed closer, his tongue pushing past Steve’s lips. He pulled away then suddenly.

“I can’t be what you want me to be, Steve.”

“I don’t need you to be anything, Buck.”  His voice cracked; he knew he sounded desperate.

“I’m not coming home with you. Don’t expect me to let you win.”  

Steve’s jaw hardened. “I’ll win on my own. Then you’ll come back. Right?”

Bucky backed away. “You can’t catch up with me. I’m too far ahead.” He turned and ran, disappearing behind a hill.

“We’ll see,” Steve muttered, then started to walk back to his team. He wished he were more confident in his answer.

\--

“Play dirty,” Natasha said. 

“Okay,” Steve said, unsure of what that meant.

“You think he’s still the same Bucky.”  

“Not the same. But he is still Bucky,” Steve answered.

“Then figure out what Bucky Barnes would be feeling and thinking in his situation. And use it.”  

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t really been thinking clearly when it comes to Bucky. The first time you saw him, you practically froze. So maybe he’s the same way about you – maybe there are things you can say that will mess with his head.” 

“You want me to wage psychological warfare on my best friend?”

Natasha paused. “No. Actually, I want you to give up. The Winter Soldier doesn’t want to come with you, so you should probably let him be. But you asked me advice on how to win, and this is it. He’s way ahead, and he’s going to keep winning unless you do something. Soon.”

Steve watched her carefully, then nodded. “Thanks.”

“Think about his weaknesses,” she reminded him, then left him to think.

A few hours later he called Tony and asked him to make something.

\--

The next day, they get to a HYDRA base outside of Tokyo just a few minutes after Bucky does. 

Steve tracks him to an upper room and rolls a red sphere onto the floor. Bucky looks up, startled; he doesn’t think Steve would send an explosive toward him, but he’s confused.

Images burst out from the sphere then, projected on all the walls around them. Old photographs, black and white, of Bucky Barnes, mixed with old video footage of Steve and Bucky laughing together. Photos of Steve and Bucky on the playground together, Bucky with his family, playing with his sisters when they were all children. Bucky in his uniform, posing with his mother. Steve and Bucky at a baseball game when they were 19 years old, arms slung around each other as they smiled stupidly for the camera.

Bucky stared at the images for several minutes. Finally, he stepped out of the room.

He saw Steve then, collecting the last of the HYDRA prisoners.

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “Didn’t think you’d play dirty,” he said.

“Wouldn’t if I didn’t have to,” Steve answered, eyes a little hard. He could do this if he had to; this was about winning now. He would do anything to bring Bucky home, and Bucky should have figured that out by now.

“You’ve changed,” Bucky said, not really a condemnation.

“No. Just gotten more determined.”

“Determination was never your problem.”

“I’m going to win, Bucky. No matter what it takes. Don’t make it harder than it has to be.”

“I’ll be ready for your tricks next time.” Bucky was expressionless as he turned and walked away. 

Steve finished up with the prisoners and tried not to think about the look on Bucky’s face.

\--

“I don’t think it’ll work again,” Steve says to Natasha. They’re on their way to Bucky’s next likely target.

“Then stop playing nice.”  

“I wasn’t being nice.”  

Natasha looked at him. “What’s he feeling right now? Whatever you think it is, use it. He won’t let anyone else talk to him, so you have to think of something. Call it in, and Tony can wirelessly add it to the apple.” 

Tony had taken to calling the red projecting spheres apples, and everyone but Steve had taken to the name.

Bucky is almost done with the place when they arrive, but Steve sees that he hasn’t gone through the basement. He knows the tally, and they’ve almost caught up to Bucky; after their last meeting, Bucky took a few days off apparently, and Steve doesn’t want to think about what that meant. But he knows that every HYDRA agent captured matters, for SHIELD, yes, but also for the bet. He knows that he needs the agents in the basement to have a shot. 

Steve finds Bucky and releases a sphere. Bucky sees it and starts to leave the room but then turns back when he sees what it is.

One of the captured HYDRA agents from a previous takedown had known where to find footage of the Winter Soldier being mind wiped. Strapped into a chair, screaming. Knowing nothing, asking nothing.

Bucky stared at the footage. He put his hand on the wall to support himself.

Steve felt nauseous. He was making Bucky watch footage of himself being tortured.

Tony had edited the footage. The cuts were fast, always shifting to a different shot, a different perspective. A close up of Bucky’s eyes, a shot of his torturers’ faces, impassive, then a shot of his hands gripping the chair. The video moved along frantically, and even Steve couldn’t look away.

Bucky turned to him. He was breathing hard. “You never would have done this in the old days. Not to me, not to anyone.”

“I’m sorry.” Steve was.

“Don’t be. I’m actually impressed.” Bucky’s voice was neutral, but his face betrayed him; he was in anguish. Sweating, breathing hard, at the sight of all his torturers, all the strings his brain was begging him not to pull on.

“Bucky--”

“Fine. You got the guys in the basement. But now I’m not playing around. You’re going to lose, Steve. And then we’ll be done.” He leapt up and climbed out the window.

Steve closed his eyes. He really hoped that in the end, this would all be worth it.

\--

“Our intel suggests that we’re closing to getting the last HYDRA holdouts,” Natasha said.   

“We’ve heard that before,” Sam sighed.   

“But this contest with Bucky seems to have helped,” Natasha said. “Speaking of, what’s the next plan?”

“He’s used to seeing videos now. Old memories won’t bother him next time,” Steve said.

He saw Sam and Natasha exchange a glance. “It’s likely that once HYDRA is gone, the Winter Soldier might disappear forever,” Natasha said.

“And if that’s really what he wants…” Sam said.

Steve shook his head. “I can help him if he comes home.”  

Natasha set her jaw, then sighed. “Okay. If you’re sure that’s what you want. Back in his old life, what was his biggest weakness?”

Steve looked down. Finally he answered. “Me.”

“Then we use that. Use that, and use everything he feels about being used by HYDRA. Unless you never want to see him again.”

Steve sighed and nodded. “Okay.” Their tally was close now, almost identical, and Bucky was still going strong. He knew she was right. 

He was still dreading what was about to happen.

\--

They don’t end up at the same location as Bucky until the last day of the bet. They are so close to even on their numbers that Steve can barely breathe. He knows it’s not true, but he feels like he’s about to have an asthma attack.

Bucky is going through HYDRA agents quickly, leaving them groaning and hog-tied on the floor, when Steve finds him. Bucky has only covered the east wing, and if Steve stops him, SHIELD will take the rest. If Steve stops him, Steve will win.

Bucky sees him, sees the apple, and says, “If you still love me, you’ll let me go.”

Steve winces. “I do still love you,” he says, then releases the apple. 

He sees Bucky try to ignore it, try to keep working. He knocks the last two HYDRA agents in the room out, and tries to leave without looking at the walls.

He stops when he hears the video, its large images filling up the tall walls on every side. 

_I’ve thought a lot about killing myself, since coming out of the ice,_ Steve’s voice says on the video projection. Steve had taped himself talking, then given the tape to Tony to add to the apple’s memory, grateful that Tony hadn’t asked him any questions about the content of the video.

The video continues, with Steve looking directly into the camera. _It wasn’t just being in a different time. After Bucky fell from that train, I … I wanted to die. I wanted to take his place, I wished it had been me, not him. But I was driven to destroy the organization that killed him. But when I didn’t have that any more… I had nothing.  
I…actually...planned out how I would do it, if I ever couldn’t … keep going._

Bucky looks over at Steve, and it takes all of Steve’s courage not to look away. He has never told anyone this. Barely even admitted it to himself.

_I think the only reason I didn’t was that I didn’t want to let Bucky’s memory down. He was always my hero. I wanted to be like him my whole life._ The video cut away from Steve then, to footage of parents crying over their child, a young man killed in the 1970’s by the Winter Soldier. The screams of _Why?_ rang out through the room.

Bucky’s eyes are fixed on the screen now. He can’t look away.

Steve knows that wasn’t Bucky’s fault that he was turned into HYDRA’s weapon, but he knows Bucky, and he knows that Bucky’s rampage against HYDRA is because of Bucky’s guilt.

Then apple projected another part of the video of Steve, talking about the first time they had sex, how Steve was terrified that he wouldn’t be any good, since Bucky was so much more experienced. How Bucky made him feel safe. How no one in his life other than Bucky has ever made Steve feel safe. _I never thought I’d have the courage to say this out loud, Buck. But I’ve never trusted anyone to do the right thing more than I trust you._

Then video of onlookers screaming as a man dies on the streets in 1982, another victim of the Winter Soldier. Blood spilling onto the sidewalk, sirens in the distance.

Bucky is kneeling on the floor now.

Steve can’t watch any more. He knows that Bucky will stay there. He knows that Bucky will keep watching, and it will be more of the same. He feels sick to his stomach, but he goes to round up the rest of the HYDRA agents, trying not to think about how much damage he’s just done, trying not to think about all he doesn’t know about Bucky’s state of mind, about what he’s really risked. 

When Steve finally comes back, Bucky is still on his knees, chest heaving with his breath

Steve kneels beside him. “Come home with me, Bucky. Please come home.”

Bucky looks at him, eyes wide, lost. “Sure. You won, didn’t you,” he says, as he couldn’t care less what was happening, even as his voice breaks. 

Steve helps him up, carefully. He walks toward the plane, watching Bucky every step of the way, but Bucky just follows, staring at nothing.

Bucky rides the entire way home without speaking to anyone.

 

\--

SHIELD keeps Bucky in custody for a week before Steve is allowed to talk to him, and for a month before they let Bucky leave the facility with close, armed supervision.

“He’s not being very forthcoming about why he’s here,” Fury said to Steve and Natasha soon before his release.

“He’s sincere about helping us take down HYDRA,” Steve asserted.

“Yeah. I got that from all the HYDRA prisoners who started crying when they found out the Winter Soldier was in the building. But all he’ll say is that he’s here because he made an ‘arrangement’ with Steve Rogers to assist in our work. And he won’t go into the terms of that arrangement.”

“Wonder why,” Natasha said.

Steve grimaced. “We sort of… had a bet.”

Fury raised an eyebrow. “One of the most dangerous enemies of SHIELD is now going to take orders from me because he lost a _bet_ with his friend from 75 years ago.”

“He’s a man of his word,” Steve insisted.

Fury stared, hard, but then shrugged. “Honestly, that’s less stupid than all the other possible stupid things I was speculating you’d done.”

“Thank you,” Steve said, “I think.”

Fury added, “Your boy’s passed the psych tests, by the way. Not great, but not bad. Better than you, in fact.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to be confidential.”

“Point is, we’re letting him out. Under 24-hour, armed to the teeth supervision – he won’t see us, but he’ll know we’re surveilling him. We need to see how he interacts with the population before we let him go on missions.”

“Thank you, sir,” Steve said, smiling, “He can stay with me – I’ll keep an eye on him, I promise.”

“Yes, you’ve shown to be completely objective with regards to keeping us informed about him,” Fury said, sarcasm dripping. “He’ll have his own place, Rogers. To help with his adjustment.”

“But--” Steve started.

“I don’t buy it, sir,” Natasha interrupted, directing her comment at Fury. “Why would SHIELD psych want him to live alone? They let me stay with Clint when I was a lot less trustworthy according to the tests.”

Fury rolled his eyes a little, annoyed but fond. “Fine, Romanov. Barnes requested his own place.”

“Why not just say that?” Steve asked.

“Barnes didn’t want you to know that he refused to live with you,” Natasha realized.

“Why would he-?” Steve furrowed his brow.

“Don’t know,” Fury said, “But a grown man wanting his own place is pretty low on the list of suspicious requests. So I don’t really give a damn.”

Steve nodded. “Thank you. For letting him out.”

“Thank you, Captain, for finally bringing in a HYDRA asset who has more than a slice of intel.”

Steve nodded again.

Fury paused, then added, “I don’t know if he’s still your friend, Steve. He might not be that guy, understand? Even if he’s a good guy, he might not be that guy.”

“I know. Natasha’s been telling me every day.”

“She’s smart,” Fury pointed out.

“Much smarter than Steve,” Natasha chimed in.

Steve smirked, exhaling in mock outrage. “I hear you. Okay?”

Fury just gave him a look and left.

“It’s good news, Steve,” Natasha said, “They think he’s ready to be let out.”

“Yeah. I know.”

\--

“It’s a housewarming present,” Steve said. He really didn’t know how he got this awkward. With Bucky of all people.

“You got me a cactus?”

“Yeah. It’s easy to take care of.”

Bucky smirked a little, then took the cactus, and allowed Steve to enter the apartment.

“Nice place.”

“There’s not even any furniture yet.”

“I can help decorate.”

“SHIELD’s sending someone over later with furniture.”

“Oh.”

They stood there for a moment. “So apparently I work for SHIELD now. Again.”

“SHIELD was never really HYDRA,” Steve said quickly, then winced, knowing he’d argue the opposite if he were getting into it with Fury.

“It’s okay. And you know, I heard you were advocating for me all the way. So I’d be an agent, not locked up in some hole, brought out when they needed something. It’s a lot more than I expected after what I’ve done.”

“That wasn’t you, Buck. It was because of what they did to y--”

“I don’t need anyone to explain what they did to me,” Bucky said abruptly. “I was there.”

“Right. Sorry.”

Bucky sighed. “I was just trying to say thank. You punk.”

Steve smiled. “So… do you remember then? A lot?”

“Yeah. But forgot a lot too. Sometimes things come back to me when I don’t expect it.”

“That… sounds hard.”

Bucky shrugged. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

It reminded Steve of when he was forming the Howling Commandos, when Bucky refused to talk about what happened when he was experimented on.

“Bucky. I know you were trying to protect me. During our bet.”

“I was trying to end HYDRA. That’s still my goal.”

“I know. Me too.”

Bucky paused. “It’s because I need time alone.”

“What?”

“Why I refused to stay with you. I need to be by myself. Not surrounded by… expectations.”

“I don’t have expectations.”

Bucky snorted. “Steve, since you were 7 years old, you’ve had higher expectations of people than anyone I’ve met.”

Steve frowned. “Well, you were no angel when we were kids either,” he said, hoping to lighten the mood.

“I’m definitely not one now,” Bucky said, jaw tightening. “But I just wanted you to know. I’m not avoiding you. I’m not going back on our bet. I just need some space for myself.”

“Anything you need,” Steve said, swallowing.

Bucky nodded. “Thanks for the cactus.”

Steve knew an invitation to leave when he heard one.

\--

 

Natasha finished giving the report on their successful destruction of the Eastern European wing of HYDRA.

“Excellent work, all of you,” Fury said. 

“Thank you, sir,” answered Natasha, Steve, Sam, and Sharon.

“Rogers? Was there something in the water when you were a kid?” Fury said then.

“…What?”

“Was there something in the water in Brooklyn when you were a kid that made all of you complete pains in my ass?” Fury said. 

“Uh… Is Bucky okay?”

“Yeah. He’s fine. But when you were two days late checking in, do you know how often he called? He hacked into my damn private line.”

“Sorry, sir.”

“We had to give him details of your classified mission just to stop him from tracking you down and compromising the situation,” Fury added pointedly. “And given his history, he probably could have found you too.”

“I’ll talk to him, sir,” Steve promised. “Make him see reason.”

“Why am I getting the impression that’s going to be about as effective as talking to you to make _you_ see reason?” Fury asked.

Steve didn’t have an answer to that.

But Natasha smiled. “Sir, is this your way of telling us that Barnes has been declared field ready?”

Fury sighed. “Yes. But also that I will kick both your Brooklyn asses if you ever hack into my private line again.”

“Yes, sir,” Steve said.

“You’re all dismissed.”

\--

Bucky proved to be a tremendous asset in the field. He worked well with Steve and Natasha’s team, got along with everyone too. 

Fury soon trusted him enough to send him out with other teams, on other missions, some related to HYDRA, some not.

Steve visited him at home every night they weren’t working together. He would bring takeout – pizza, Thai, deli sandwiches, burgers, sushi, shawarma. They talked about old times, times in Brooklyn, times in Europe too, if they weren’t too awful. They talked about Peggy and Howard and Jones and Dernier and DumDum and Morita and Falsworth, about Bucky’s sisters and parents, about Steve’s mom, about the nuns who were kind to them at school and the ones that terrified them, about the neighbors who never stopped yelling and the shopkeepers who gave them free bread.

They talked about people at SHIELD, too, mostly gossip. Bucky somehow was getting people to tell him all the juicy stuff. 

“I guess people don’t think Captain America wants to know who’s banging who,” Bucky mocked.

“People are very wrong,” Steve said with a grin.

Sometimes, when Steve had a damn tough day at work, when he couldn’t save everyone he wanted to save, he would come to Bucky’s house and not say a word. He would lie on the couch, his head on Bucky’s thigh, and Bucky would stroke his hair like when they were kids. 

Sometimes, when Steve heard that Bucky had a damn tough day at work, Steve would show up and Bucky would say he was too tired for guests and shut the door on Steve. 

Steve tried not to let it bother him. Everything else was going so good – he and Bucky were friends, they saw each other all the time, they worked together, and HYDRA was closer than ever to dying out.

\--  
“How do you think Bucky is doing?” Steve asked Sam one evening. They were having coffee near the VA where Sam still did occasional outreach.

“You know I can’t talk about that,” Sam said.

“Why would you not be able to talk about – are you…seeing Bucky as like, his counselor or something?” Steve said.

Sam grimaced. “I thought you knew.”

“But why – I thought he was doing well.” 

“A lot of veterans should be getting some kind of support,” Sam said bristling, “And you know I can’t talk about it.”

“Sorry,” Steve said. “…What can I do to help?”

“…That’s a question you need to ask him.”

“He’ll tell me nothing’s wrong and change the subject.”

“Sound like anyone?” Sam said with a smirk.

“Yeah, yeah, you’ve told me, I’m ‘difficult.’”

“So difficult. Unbelievably difficult.”

“Hilarious. But seriously.”

“Seriously. I guess… you could just think about his situation.”

“I can’t imagine going through all that. For all those decades.”

Sam looked down at his coffee.

“What?” Steve asked.

“It’s just… you know that he’s here because he lost a bet. You know that’s not the same as choosing to be here.”

Steve felt his breath tighten. “If he escaped, there’s no way that SHIELD or I would be able to track him. He would leave if he wanted.”

“Would he? You’re the one who said he would never go back on a promise. A promise to you, especially.”

“Is… this what he talks to you about?”

“No,” Sam said. “You know I wouldn’t tell you if it were something Bucky said in confidence. It’s… something Natasha and I have been talking about.”

“Natasha’s not exactly objective on brainwashed former assassins,” Steve said, then cringed at how harsh his words sounded. “I mean--”

“I know what you mean. And Natasha knows what it’s like to find a new home after being just an asset. And she’s not sure that’s what Barnes is doing.”

“What are you saying?”

Sam sighed. “I’m saying that he would do anything for you.” 

“And I’d do anything for him.”

“Yeah. And maybe that’s not working out so well for either of you.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“Sure you do.”

Steve looked at him for a moment. “You know, I feel like you used to be more sensitive. Maybe Romanov’s rubbing off on you.”

Sam smiled at the ribbing. “I take that as a compliment.”

Steve paused. “I think Bucky’s place is right where he is. But I’ll talk to him, okay?”

“Talking’s good,” Sam said. He finished up his coffee.

\--

“You know I’m on board with taking out HYDRA.”

“And you’re doing amazing things. Everyone at SHIELD is glad you’re there.”

“Except the ones who think I’ll revert to the Winter Soldier at any moment.”

“You won’t. They’ll realize after--”

“Steve, I am the Winter Soldier. I have his memories, just like I have Bucky Barnes’ memories. I’m both. I don’t follow orders from HYDRA any more, but …”

“I get it.” Steve knew he didn’t sound convincing.

“I don’t need you to get it,” Bucky said with a reassuring smile. “And I don’t really give a shit if people don’t like me.”

“Yeah, I know. But … what is it?”

“A lot of things,” Bucky said, a hint of anger showing through.

“Okay. Name one.”

“…Fine. You know that SHIELD is going after people with powers. People like me and you. Like your friends.”

“I heard… that they were going after powered people who killed people, or attacked people. But I didn’t realize they were asking you to do that.”

“Yeah, it’s a high risk situation a lot of the time. I’m glad I can make sure agents don’t get hurt. But I’m basically taking in people who have done a lot less damage than I did.”

“But they chose to.”

“No, Steve. Some of them didn’t. Some of them just don’t know how to control their powers. Some of them were just scared when they saw a bunch of agents closing in. So they get thrown in a pit and I don’t because of what – because I’m Captain America’s friend? So my murders don’t really count? I can live with the guilt most days, Steve, but I can’t fucking round people up for doing less than me.”

Steve swallowed. “I’ll talk to Fury and Coulson about it.”

“I don’t need you to fight my battles.”

“I’m not. SHIELD is supposed to stand for something better than that, especially after the HYDRA bullshit. I mean, Peggy would kick someone’s ass if she knew we were rounding up people who didn’t deserve it.”

Bucky smiled a little at that. “I went to see, Peggy, actually.”

“Really?” Steve tilted his head. He hadn’t realized that.

“Yeah. She said to keep an eye on you.”

“Peggy always thinks I need someone to look out for me,” Steve said, rolling his eyes.

“Maybe she thinks you need someone to tell you when you’re being an idiot,” Bucky said with a grin.

“I’m sure,” Steve said, chuckling. “But really, did she say anything else?”

Bucky paused for a long time. “She said that you were lost when you thought I died. Back then.”

“She… it was a long time ago.” 

“Were you lost? Is that why – is that why you made that bet?” Bucky asked, voice tightening.

“No, I – Bucky, I just wanted you to come back.”

Bucky nodded, looked downward.

Steve set his jaw. “I should have said it sooner. I’m sorry, Buck. What I did to win that bet was horrible. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

Bucky looked back up at him. “Honestly? If I thought you were safer with me, and I had to break you to make it happen, I’d have done the same.”

Steve just heard the word _break._

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“Was Peggy right? Were you… not okay without me?”

“I was fine.”

“…Yeah.”

“I’ll talk to Fury and Coulson about their program.”

“You know what? I’m in no position to judge SHIELD. Just ask them to keep me on HYDRA full time. We’re so close to wiping them out, it makes sense anyway.”

“Okay.”

\--

HYDRA has many heads, but SHIELD is finally cutting them out before they can spring back up. 

Bucky continues to prove himself on and off the field, even making friends with the other Avengers and several agents. He goes to shooting practice with Clint (which sounds like a disaster waiting to happen but only occasionally ends up with broken SHIELD equipment), goes to movie night with Tony and Pepper and Bruce, plays videogames with Trip and Fitz and Simmons, goes for tea with Maria and Sharon, and of course hangs out with Steve, Sam, and Natasha all the time. 

Bucky only does HYDRA-related missions now and seems less miserable, Steve thinks.

When it happens, when it starts again, it’s unexpected (for Steve – maybe Bucky planned it all along). They are making pasta – Bucky insists that two enhanced superhumans should at least be able to figure out spaghetti, and Steve’s apartment is filling with the aroma of their childhood neighborhood (a store-bought version of it, anyway). Steve stirs the noodles, then turns around and has to keep his reflexes in check when Bucky springs at him. 

Bucky kisses him, long, hard, his hand tight on Steve’s jaw. 

Steve is breathless.

“I thought…” Steve says weakly then.

“I wasn’t ready. For a long time.”

“And now?” 

Bucky smiles wanly. “I think I’m just tired of waiting.”

Steve leans back in, kisses him, hands softly sliding up Bucky’s waist.

Bucky moans, then grabs Steve hand and walks them quickly to the bedroom.

“Throw me on the bed?” Steve asks in excitement, then wishes he could take it back.

Bucky’s body has tensed, his eyes look distant.

“We don’t have to,” Steve says quickly, and Bucky nods.

“Nice and slow,” Steve adds, kissing Bucky again. 

Bucky kisses Steve on the neck, and soon they are on the bed, careful, hands roaming, bodies learning each other, a slow, cautious build into bliss.

After, they clean up the sauce and pasta that had boiled over on the stove, laughing the whole time.

\--

When HYDRA is gone for good, after Bucky and Steve blow up their very last holdout, everyone has a big party.

Steve is pleased to see that everyone treats Bucky as a friend and hero. He grins with pride.

Tony gets drunk and invents a very scientifically advanced fountain that pours whiskey sours.

Sharon tries to teach Maria and Rhodey how to breakdance and it goes badly.

Steve sees Sam and Natasha kissing in a corner and runs to tell Bucky the news. Bucky laughs his ass off that Steve didn’t realize that Sam and Natasha have been dating for months.

Bucky and Steve eventually come back to Steve’s apartment, kissing against the door as soon as they’re inside. 

“Maybe it’s time you moved into my place?” Steve whispers as he stops to catch his breath.

Bucky pauses, says “No.” His eyes are unreadable.

“Okay,” Steve says, willing it not to bother him as they shed their shoes and shirts and pants on the way to the bedroom.

\--

Shortly after the fall of HYDRA, Bucky quits SHIELD. He doesn’t tell Steve he’s going to do it, so Steve hears from Natasha that Fury had accepted his resignation, thanked Bucky for his service, and gave him a medal for his service.

“I did what I came for,” Bucky said that night, shrugging. “And I’ve had enough of following orders for one lifetime. Hand me that spoon with the holes in it.”

Steve did, and Bucky stirred the soup. 

“But this is a SHIELD apartment,” Steve said. “You’ll need a new place to live.”

“Fury gave me a severance. Not huge, but enough to move wherever I want.” 

“But you have to stay in town,” Steve blurted out before he could stop himself.

“Have to?” Bucky said, eyebrow raised.

“Don’t you want to?” Steve’s heart was racing; it was close to becoming a panic attack.

“Maybe. Why’d you say ‘have to’?”

“You promised. When you made that bet,” Steve said, swallowing. “That you’d stay with me.”

Bucky gave him a blank stare. Then he shrugged, said “Sure, Stevie,” and went back to stirring the soup.

\--

“You said what?” Sam asked.

“I know.”

“Steve!”

“I know!”

“Well you have to tell him you didn’t mean it. You can’t win a person.”

“Sam, he’s not staying because of the bet. If he wanted to leave for real, he would say so.”

“He did say so, Steve.”

“…He’s told me that he loves me. Lots of times.”

“Okay. That can be the truth and he can still….”

“What?”

Sam sighed. “Is he still sleeping most of the day?” 

“What does that have to do with it? He’s just adjusting to being without an enemy to fight. I am too – it’s tough, but….”

Sam leaned forward. “Steve. This isn’t just because HYDRA is done. Bucky hasn’t been happy.”

“What are you talking about? Have you noticed… that he’s….”

“Honestly, no,” Sam said. “He hides it pretty well. Natasha noticed, and you know her skills, Steve. And she wants to protect your feelings, but…. I mean if he’s only here because he feels he has to be.”

“You don’t know Bucky. If he wanted to leave, he would tell me flat out that the bet never meant forever. Nobody calls me out on my bullshit like Bucky does. You have to believe me.”

“I do believe you, Steve. That Bucky isn’t staying around because he feels obligated to that ugly bet. But would he stay because he feels obligated to you? Would he stay because he cares more about not hurting you than he cares about his own happiness?”

Steve swallowed. “Of course he would,” he said, voice cracking. 

Sam put a hand, gentle, on Steve’s arm. “I know you have moved hell and highwater to take care of Bucky. But he may need something other than being taken care of now.”

“I’ve been selfish,” Steve said softly. He is staring straight ahead, bewildered.

“You’ve been protective. And we all love that about you, Steve.”

Steve nodded. His shoulders slumped.

\--

“If you need to go somewhere else, then I want you to.”

Bucky looks surprised, then grateful, and Steve knows he’s said the right thing and his heart sinks like stone.

They pack Bucky’s things together, not much – clothes and weapons, a couple gifts from friends, a book full of Steve’s sketches.

They say good bye by making love in Bucky’s bed for the last time, and Steve tries to make it last as long as possible. 

Bucky leaves that night. 

Steve leaves his phone at home and goes for a run. He ends up deep in the woods, far outside city limits, and he sits on a fallen log and starts to cry.

\--

Sam calls him frequently, checking up on Steve. 

He keeps inviting Steve to come over and play board games with him and Natasha, but Steve doesn’t want to be a third wheel, so he always says no, insisting that Natasha would never not win a board game anyway, so what would be the point.

Bucky sends a postcard every month, usually one with a picture of food on the front and just the letters “JB” on the back. Steve is so excited when he gets the first one, a picture of fried potatoes with gravy and cheese curds, that he decides all the postcards will go on his fridge. A couple months in and he realizes that he’s avoiding eating so he doesn’t have to look at something that reminds him of Bucky, and he puts the postcards in a drawer.

A few months later, there are rumors. Warlords, those preying on child soldiers, being rounded up and dumped into prisons. Human traffickers, kidnappers, all sorts, terrified at rumors of a man with a metal arm and powers nobody could stop. 

“There’s nothing here that would make us think he’s a threat to our interests,” Coulson pointed out at a meeting.

“Barnes does indeed seem to be minimizing casualties. As in, the only casualties are the people whom I would also really, really like to shoot,” Natasha added, and Steve smiled gratefully at them both.

“Fine,” Fury said. “We look the other way as long as this ‘mystery man’ doesn’t tie back to us, and as long as his targets don’t get into morally gray. But don’t get any ideas, Rogers – no way would we let your self-righteous ass go all world’s policeman on us. Wouldn’t be much of a world after that.”

Steve looked over at Natasha and whispered, “When did the HYDRA assassin turned human rights vigilante become the favorite over me?”

She smirked. “I guess when _his_ savior complex destroys a major part of the world order, he at least does it with a touch of charm.”

“You’re the worst.”

She laughed. “You know I’m your favorite.”

“No. Sam’s my favorite. Definitely Sam.”

\--

A couple of months later, Steve comes home to find Bucky cooking mushroom risotto. 

“I can only stay a couple days,” are the first words out of his mouth.

Steve runs over and kisses him.

Bucky bites his lower lip, and Steve moans, deep.

“Let me finish the risotto,” Bucky says, and Steve reluctantly nods.

“I’ve uh, heard about what you’ve been doing, Buck.”

“Okay,” Bucky says, paying more attention to the pan. Steve wants to tell him he’s proud, he’s so proud of Bucky he could burst, but he just asks if Bucky wants him to set the table.

They eat dinner, and Bucky is, for once, happy to tell Steve the details of his life. Steve Bucky up with all the SHIELD gossip, and carefully doesn’t talk about how much he missed Bucky while he was gone.

They fall into bed easily after, as if no one had ever left, and after, when they are sweaty and satisfied, Steve nestles up and rests his head on Bucky’s shoulder. 

“Stevie,” Bucky says, kissing Steve on the forehead, “You know when I left, it was never because I didn’t love you enough to stay.”

“Of course I know that,” Steve says, though of course he realizes his own body is tensing, that he must not have known that at all.

“Are you happier now?” Steve asks.

Bucky pauses, then says, “Yes.” Steve feels a pit in his stomach and closes his eyes.

Bucky adds, “But it’s hard. Missing you so much.”

“Back at you,” Steve says quietly.

A few minutes of silence, then. 

Steve asks him then: “Why did you need to leave? Was it because of what I did to win the bet?”

“Of course not. That was… shitty. But so was throwing you off a building, threatening to shoot your friends, even if I was trying to protect you. And I know why you did it. I promise that’s not why, Steve.”

“Okay.” Steve tries very hard not to keep asking questions.

Bucky hesitates, then sighs, gives in. “I just needed to leave, okay? It was harder for me than I let on sometimes. Figuring things out. Becoming… someone new. It was easier before I came here with you.”

“And it’s easier for you now that you’ve left,” Steve finished. “I’m sorry, Buck. I should have realized.”

“You didn’t realize because I kept it from you, punk,” Bucky said, a small smile. He leaned closer then, eyes staring into Steve’s. “That wasn’t your fault. Nothing that happened to me was your fault.”

It felt heavy on his chest, but Steve nodded.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, Steve. But I am the Winter Soldier. I don’t think I can be anyone else. But I can follow my own orders. I can give myself time and space to think it through when I’m too close to the edge, to bring myself back, to know that I can do it on my own. It wasn’t your expectations, Steve, or anything about you at all. It’s me. I don’t want to live in one place, have a regular job. I want….”

“You want to be on your own,” Steve said.

“Yeah. But not because I don’t need you. Not because I don’t think about you constantly. Okay?”

Steve leaned in, gave him a kiss. “I just want you to be happy. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re still a shit liar, Steve.”

“I really do want you to be happy.”

“I know. That’s not the part I was talking about.”

Steve sighed. “Let’s just get some sleep. I know a place we can go for breakfast, okay?”

“Okay. That sounds…nice.”

Steve snuggled in closer, face where Bucky couldn’t see his expression.

\--

Bucky visits Steve every couple of months. When he can stay for more than a couple days, he visits with friends, but most of his time is spent with Steve alone.

Steve is afraid to ask Bucky if he plans to keep visiting Steve, and if the visits are out of obligation or pity, because he’s not sure he wants the answer. Then he finds that after each visit, his computer has several dozen new bookmarks on how to make long-distance relationships work, and he knows the answer.

Months pass, and every time Bucky visits he seems to be happier, calmer. At first, Steve tries not to be resentful that being apart is what’s helping Bucky, but eventually he realizes that he doesn’t resent it all that much after all.

Natasha sends him news articles of large decreases in human trafficking in areas the Winter Soldier is operating in, and Steve decides to put those, along with the postcards, back on his fridge.

Besides his social visits, Bucky also comes back when there’s a big alien invasion, when Ross kidnaps Tony, and for other various emergencies. He also comes back to make sure Steve and Sam and Clint win the prank war against Tony and Rhodey and Bruce (though it turns out that Natasha beats both teams, but that just can’t be helped). 

Bucky starts to visit more frequently; after a couple of years, it’s almost twice a month that Steve gets to see him. Steve stops thinking about how much he misses Bucky and starts thinking about what to do and see next time Bucky comes.

And every couple of months, Steve gets a present in the mail. Sometimes it’s special art supplies, specific to the part of the world Bucky is travelling in. Sometimes, it’s special plant food for Bucky’s cactus that Steve adopted (and that is doing just fine, thank you). 

Sometimes, it’s incredibly tacky Captain America memorabilia. Books that get every possible historical fact wrong, children’s coloring books that have Steve fighting vampires and werewolves, non-sanctioned action figures that presumably through some unintentional error had unseemly large crotch bulges. 

One time, it’s a ring.

Steve almost hyperventilates.

He calls Natasha and Sam and asks if they think Bucky intended it the way Steve thinks.

“He’s only been calling every hour to ask if you’ve gotten it yet, you moron,” Natasha says.

“Congratulations, man,” Sam adds.

Bucky shows up at Steve’s place an hour later. Steve leaps at him, kisses him hard and wet and probably very sloppy, but Steve couldn’t care less.

After, Bucky looks at him, smiling, but a little scared. 

“You know this doesn’t mean I’m living here? I’ll still be away most of the time,” he says softly.

“Of course I know that, you dope,” Steve says, and kisses him again, “But don’t think being on another continent will get you out of the wedding planning.”

 

Bucky grinned. “Natasha warned me you’d be a groomzilla.”

“Just for that she’s not going to be one of my groomsmen. Groomspeople.”

 

“She’s on my side of the wedding party, actually,” Bucky says, “Already called it. Person of honor.”

“You’re such a punk,” Steve says, laughing.

“Don’t complain, Rogers. I won you fair and square.”

“Won me, huh?”

“You honestly don’t remember, do you?”

Steve looks confused.

Bucky grins. “When we were 18. You could never turn down a bet.”

“You’re the one who couldn’t--”

“We arm wrestled,” Bucky reminded him.

It took a minute, but then Steve remembered. “You didn’t let me win. I was surprised, since usually you let me win.”

“You always got mad when I let you win.”

“But you would anyway. But not that time.”

“Right.”

“The winner got to decide who the loser married,” Steve said, smiling.

“Couldn’t afford to lose that one,” Bucky said.

“I thought you were going to pick someone who hated me, some girl at school who thought I was gross, just to poke fun. But you said that you would decide when the time came, and I figured you had decided against being a jerk.”

“Now does that sound like me?”

“Not really,” Steve agreed.

“I had to wait for the right time,” Bucky said. 

Steve smiled. “Well, you sure picked a good one for me, pal.”

“I sure hope so,” Bucky said.

“I know so.”

They kissed again. 

“You know I’m going to tell all our friends I won your ass in a bet, right?” Bucky said then.

“My future husband is a jackass.”

“You know he’s perfect,” Bucky said with a wink.

“I do, actually.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, but Steve still managed to notice Bucky’s eyes watering a little. 

Not that Steve’s eyes were watering too.


End file.
